Let me first say I always wanted children and I always wanted to have a family. I never thought I wouldn’t. My struggle to have children began with personal issues from my childhood. I had to change my thinking before my body and emotions would allow me to get pregnant and have a baby.
When I married at age 22, I was ready to start a family. However, my husband and I wanted to be in the right emotional and financial state. It was until New Years Eve of 2000, when I was 35, that we finally decided to start our family. My husband had a new job, I had a master’s degree, and our new home was finally completed.
My husband and I flushed my birth control pills together down the toilet. We then went to an open field and lit fireworks together to celebrate our decision to have a baby. We moved into our new home and couldn’t believe how wonderful everything with my husband was.
However, my body now wanted to stop my heart from joy…we could not get pregnant. Every month, we kept seeing my period. I was completely devastated.
Christmas Eve of 2001 marked one year since we tried to get pregnant. We didn’t have the money to see a fertility specialist, but my parents offered to pay for it.
In January of 2002, I turned 37 and all tests came back saying there was no reason I couldn’t get pregnant: my tubes were clear, my FSH was 6, I did not have fibroids, my periods were normal, etc.
The doctor advised we begin Clomid …nothing. We also tried IUIs and injectables, but no baby. Our doctor said it was time we try IVF, but the lab was closed for the next six months.
In the meantime, my mother came across an article on Clear Passage Therapies (CPT). She told me, “You know while you’re waiting for your IVF this will keep you feeling proactive and help your uterus be nice and cozy for the new baby.” I am crying as I write this for my mother and her support and love and finding this article.
My husband and I went to CPT from August 27-29th for 10 hours of treatment. We were so impressed with everyone there. My husband was even in the room during some of the treatments where they tried to show him how he could do the massages at home.
I then went by myself for an additional 10 hours from September 3-6th. I had a lot of time to reflect, and one of my therapists explained how we hold past emotional trauma within ourselves and how we need to release it somehow. It got me thinking that maybe I was holding on to my past and even though everything seemed to be okay now, deep down I was still hurting.
That night, I went back to my hotel room. I started thinking about the messages from my past and how they could be holding me back. I vowed to start loving my body and see what other things I could do to get ready for IVF in January. I felt rejuvenated – all the way to my uterus and cervix. For the first time I loved my body and released the emotional pain from my heart that I did not realize was there.
When I got home, I decided to start acupuncture and eliminated bad carbohydrates from my diet. In November, I returned to the IVF clinic for a consultation and the doctor was amazed by how clear and smooth my uterus looked. I told him about CPT and he scoffed at the idea – but I knew CPT helped! CPT allowed me to start taking notice of my body and emotions as a whole. I learned that I needed to take care of my body and emotions in order to achieve a pregnancy.
In January I returned to the IVF clinic for my transfer. I was shocked when they told me my FSH was 16! My IVF cycle was canceled and the doctor told me my only option was donor eggs. The doctor said I had a 1% of ever conceiving with my own eggs. I fell to pieces. I left the clinic so angry and mad – I could not believe I had another obstacle. It was the worst day of my life.
I remembered that CPT told me to let go of internal anger. I got on the internet and started searching and came across a book by Julia Indichova called Inconceivable. I ordered it with a two day RUSH!
I remember so clearly the day it came in the mail. There were two packages – one with egg donor information from the fertility clinic and one with Inconceivable. I opened the egg donor info and was angry that all these girls had their eggs and were so young and healthy. When I was their age, I wasted my time and now I was too late. I called my mom and she told me not to worry about it. She suggested we go on a cruise together to take our mind off everything. Her idea made me feel better so I dried my tears and got out the book. I read it straight through.
Afterward, I took a long hot bath and thought about my past. From my soul I cried just like the CPT therapist talked about. I could feel such love wash over me. I realized that I was meant to have a baby. Inconceivable talked about these same things and how women can ALLOW themselves to have a baby. I visualized that I could either walk down the road infertile with no baby or that I could walk toward my husband and the baby he had in his arms. I also visualized my mother, father, husband, and everyone whom I loved all around me smiling and wishing me to have a healthy pregnancy. Even my sister who died at birth was there. It felt so good to see these images in my mind.
My husband and I made love that night, we did not try to get pregnant we just loved each other.
Later that week, my mother and I left for our cruise. I turned 38 while on ship. The day I got off, I took a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!!!!!!! My husband, my parents, and I were all there together in shock! We all cried and laughed and celebrated!!!! Then my husband and I drove back to our home a few states away with a little baby in my tummy.
Just 17 days earlier my doctor had told me that I had a less than 1% chance of ever getting pregnant with my own eggs. He never would have guessed that just nine months later, I held my beautiful little boy in my arms – born out of pure hope and love.